Anxiety and the “Newly Free” – aka, Young Adults

I doubt that there is anything new about anxiety. I see it as a function of freedom. And the “newly free” are what the law refers to as “adults.” Adults are those who have been freed from parental authority.

When you stop to think about it, we adults haven’t been “free” (in the socio-political sense) for all that long. Up until the revolution in America in the 1770’s, man was not particularly free, as we understand freedom today. We had kings and queens and everyday despots who ordered our world and left us with precious little choice day in and day out. And African Americans had masters. Way back when, all of us were serfs.

In 1843, as the notion of freedom began to set into the consciousness of everyday man, Alexander Morison coined the term panphobia, which he saw as a general nervousness about, well … everything (hence the use of the combining form, “pan”).

The great philosopher Kierkegaard, in his book The Concept of Anxiety (1844), described anxiety or dread associated with the “dizziness of freedom.” He went on to suggest the possibility for positive resolution of anxiety through the self-conscious exercise of responsibility and choosing. The key word there is “choosing.” We get to choose our responses – therefore, engage in basic freedom. I suppose that that kind of freedom has always been with us, but absent a lord or lady to tell us how to feel, it was all of a sudden in our own hands as men and women.

Other great thinkers have weighed in on this. In Art and Artist (1932), the eminent psychologist Otto Rank wrote that the “psychological trauma of birth” caused it all and gave us what he called the existential anxiety for life itself.  Existential anxiety encompasses the person’s simultaneous fear of – and desire for – separation, individuation, and differentiation.

Dr. Paul Tillich thought of existential anxiety as “the state in which a [human] being is aware of its possible non-being;” in other words, death. He listed three categories for the non-being and resulting anxiety: ontic (fate and death), moral (guilt and condemnation), and spiritual (emptiness or meaninglessness). According to Tillich, the last of these three types of existential anxiety, or, the notion of being anxious at our mere existence, is predominant in modern times while the others were predominant in earlier periods. We can go ahead and therefore, once again, tip our hat to freedom as the contributing cause.

A Full Employment Act for Therapists

Tillich and the others have argued that anxiety can either be accepted as part of the human condition or it can be resisted but with negative consequences. Therein lies the choice, if you will, and the source of income for therapists around the world (smiles).

And, so, I find myself engaging with college-aged adolescents (the “newly free”) who struggle with profound anxiety in the face of so many choices in life. By the way, this has also given rise to the notion of “snowflakes” – those who had been led to believe, by modern-day kings and queens, that the world will be ordered in this or that way (think here of the overwhelming prediction of Hillary Clinton’s ascendancy to the presidency), when – all of a sudden – it wasn’t. And, isn’t.

Clinically, anxiety may be seen as an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints, and rumination. It is the subjectively unpleasant feeling of dread over anticipated events, otherwise known as “anticipatory anxiety.” It can be seen as the physical and psychological reminder that “death is upon me.”

Anxiety is Not the Same Thing as Fear

Let’s be clear: Anxiety is not the same as fear. Fear is an evolutionary response to a real or perceived immediate threat in the here and now. Anxiety, on the other hand, is the expectation of a future threat.  Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by muscular tension, restlessness, fatigue and problems in concentration. Anxiety can be appropriate, but when experienced regularly the individual may suffer from an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety, by the way, can hide. We often mistake a socially anxious person, for example, as having antisocial qualities and then proceed to label them as “shy” (which is why I don’t particularly like the word “shy”). Anxious people break my heart. And anxious teenagers, in specific, break my heart far faster than older adults. Why? Because being a teenager, especially one that is 18 or 19 (still a teen) has everything to live for. They simply do not yet know how to make choices in a world full of choices.

The myriad of social stigmas associated with adolescence and growing to adulthood are hard enough. But then you add in the need to perform well in school, the competitiveness of modern academics and college applications, the dynamics of their peer groups, changing bodies, still-forming minds, problems at home and a host of other factors. Is it any wonder depression and anxiety are such a serious problem for teenagers?

Then there is technology.

The world moves a mile a minute, and every second of every day seems to be recorded for posterity. Every young person is under a constant microscope. We all remember the days when we did stupid, reckless things in our youth. But we were fortunate enough not to have it go viral to be forever documented online. Think here of Brett Kavanaugh, by the way. And it is the Number One Reason Why I Encourage Everyone to Get-Off-of-Facebook. Period.

Anyway, the pressure to stay connected and on social media always, adds to the threat of negative response, cyber-bullying and a perception of reality that is diametrically different from the “real world.” (See Snowflake discussion above).

What Can I, as a Therapist, Do?

Freedom to choose one’s direction in life, coupled with social anxiety, results in stress, even duress. When that stress is mild, it can be a positive force, pushing someone to perform better, act with more care and operate outside of their comfort zone. But when it becomes a phobia – limiting the person’s presence in the world – it can eventually become toxic.

I attack it from two angles:

• Expose Them More, Not Less – A young adult’s natural inclination is to withdraw. But we should be encouraging them to interact more with their peers. That can be done in a safe place, or during an activity they enjoy. It is just important that they don’t shy away from social situations. I push my clients to take “baby steps” and to engage in positive imagery around success in social situations.
• Teach Them Breathing Techniques – When they are interacting with others or engaging in situations likely to cause anxiety, my clients will find themselves panicking at first. In those moments, I ask that my clients simply re-learn how to breathe. Yes, breathe. And the way to breathe when anxious is simple: Pretend like you are drawing your breath through the belly; take long, deep breaths through the nose and into the stomach (so that the stomach inflates) hold it for three seconds; then release it through the mouth quickly. Rinse and repeat 🙂 I got news for you: Doing this will have a positive effect far faster than good old Xanax.
• Teach Them to Take a Break – If they are overwhelmed, and belly breathing is having no effect, let them step away. Sometimes they will need a break to collect themselves and quiet their anxiety. You also might try setting a time goal for social situations, such as one hour at an event, then letting them go home. This, again, is what I mean by baby steps.
• Listen and Validate – I take whatever my clients say to me quite seriously. I engage in normalization; that is, the idea that they are not the only person in the world who feels this way. Remember the Maxim™ – there are only two kinds of people in the world, those with issues, and the … dead.  

It’s okay to be nervous. It means you’re free. It’s not okay to be paralyzed by anxiety – unless you want a despot to take care of everything for you.