Grumpiness is its own reward, said no one ever. In fact, there is considerable evidence that a persistently sour attitude can shorten your life. When you stop to think about it, of course it would! The body is not built to sustain that constant flow of cortisol that stress and the expectation of stress will bring with it. Looking for silver linings, the hallmark of the Pollyanna People among us, is associated with a far more meaningful and longer life.
But how the hell are you supposed to get to positivity when everything around you is inherently bad?
For starters, check your extreme language. Not “everything” is bad. Not even close. In fact, I would argue that everything is far close to “good” than bad. After all, that you can read this post and that you are breathing is all the evidence we need.
In this post I will review some coping skills and strategies for developing a positive mental attitude (PMA). I’ll start with a review of the 1952 worldwide bestseller, The Power of Positive Thinking, by Normal Vincent Peale.
From a decidedly Christian viewpoint, Peale begins by stating ten rules for “overcoming inadequacy attitudes and learning to practice faith.” I think they’re worth a review, no matter the religious under- (and over-) tones.
- Picture yourself as succeeding. He wrote that in 1952 and since then there has been considerable research into the so-called Laws of Attraction. Simply put, these Laws codify an inherent ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on. It is the Law of Attraction which uses the power of the mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. In basic terms, all thoughts turn into things eventually. If you focus on negative doom and gloom you will remain under that cloud. If you focus on positive thoughts and have goals that you aim to achieve you will find a way to achieve them with massive action.
- Think a positive thought to drown out a negative thought. This is the root of mental discipline. Believe me, you have that discipline within you. It is what keeps us moving and breathing and believing that there is something better around the next curve. Think this: “everything that is, could be otherwise.”
- Minimize obstacles. In so many ways, we are our own worst enemies, constantly putting up or giving too much power to obstacles. Remember the words of Epictetus: “Man is not troubled by things, but by his view of things.” Obstacles are road-bumps, with power that only we can give them. Candidly, I see obstacles as simple facets of the mind.
- Do not attempt to copy others. And, while you’re at it, quit Facebook. Ours is very much a comparison culture, made only worse by the silly and inane ways that people make themselves look good through various posts on social media. This encourages a kind of “false mirror,” which is to say that we begin to think if we aren’t as good looking or as successful as what people purport to be on Facebook, then we aren’t good enough. You are you. End of story. Just be yourself and stop copying others (although I will have much to say about the power of mimicry in other posts).
- Repeat “If God be for us, who can be against us?” ten times every day. Don’t believe in a God, fine. Skip this one. But before you do, consider this: If we are inherently bad and evil, then how did we get this far? Something has to be propelling us forward. Anyway, the point of the phrase is that each of us has inherent worth, vested in us by a God, and if He thinks highly of us, what does it matter if no one else does?
- Work with a counselor. I love this one not because I am a counselor, but because it invites us to seek out our blind spots, spots which only a disinterested person can be in a position to point out. And a possible blind spot is inherent negativity.
- Repeat “I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me” ten times every day. Not a fan of the Christian God, fine. See point 5. In the meantime, fashion a similar mantra; perhaps, “I can do all things for which life itself has given me strength.” Something like that. The point is this: You are stronger than you might otherwise believe. That you made it this far is testament to your underlying will to power.
- Develop a strong self-respect. As Carl Jung is known to have said, avail yourself of the alms of your own kindness. After all, you would do the same for others. Why not yourself? You’re worth it. And you’re certainly not worth self-disrespect.
- Affirm that you are in God’s hands. Ah, yes, the God-thing again. See point 5. The point here is that you can relax, for as a bumper sticker I once saw said, “nothing is under [your] control.” Relax. Let go. Stop the white-knuckling of life. Go with the flow.
- Believe that you receive power from God. Who else? If you believe you get it from … you … then you are already a positive person, albeit rather egocentric. Positivity in life is a kind of “thank you” to someone or some thing bigger than you.
Peale spends a lot of time in his book on the value of a peaceful mind, which he believed could be achieved through inspirational reading, clearing one’s mind, and visualization. In other words, don’t read Facebook posts when you could be reading an inspirational story.
An important part of his writing is this: The mind controls how the body feels; thus, letting go of negative energy and emotions will result in far better physical health. Now, let’s not be naïve – you can still get a cold or even cancer and be the most positive person in the world. But even then, a positive mental attitude is prescribed.
Happiness is a choice. It is created by choice, by personal power, and not from the outside. Worrying and overall negativity only inhibits your shot at happiness.
Letting go of anger is crucial. I invite my clients to imagine a life where anger washes over you. Hard to do, I know, but the alternative is worse: Living in anger means you will act from a position of anger and that only makes things worse.
It helps to have people around you who actually like you. Sounds basic, and it is, but I am surprised how often we keep “life-sucking people” around us. And in order to increase your “following,” here are some tips: remember names, praise others generously, become a people person, and resolve problems calmly as soon as they appear. When we do so, people are more likely to want to be around us, which can make us happier, which makes us even easier to be around, and even happier—an upward spiral of positive emotions that fuel health and well-being.
So, in summary:
- Strengthen the Positive Neural Pathways in Your Brain to Develop a More Positive Attitude. Spend more time thinking about positive things, for example by memorizing and recalling lists of positive words. When you force your brain to work with positive information, you activate these regions of your brain and make this information accessible in your daily life. So later, when you’re trying to have a positive attitude, you may be able to generate positive thoughts, memories, and emotions more easily.
- Look for Silver Linings. People with a negative attitude are really good at one thing—finding the downside of any situation, person, or thing. People with a positive attitude do the opposite—they can always find the upside. Really, these two perspectives are just two sides of the same coin. It’s all about what you pay attention to. So if you want to change your perspective, you can apply your canny ability to find the bad to develop your ability to find the good. Ask yourself: What could you learn? What opportunities might arise? What can you appreciate about this? Could the situation have been worse? Then use these questions to get yourself to start finding the good things instead of always focusing on the bad things.
- Practice Random Acts of Kindness. To develop a positive attitude, we do have to make an effort to be kinder to others. Sometimes it’s easy to be kind—for example, when we feel like others deserve it—and sometimes it’s harder. So start with easy kindness and go from there. Being kinder can be easy if you engage in random acts of kindness. A random act of kindness could be anything from telling a co-worker you like her necklace, to congratulating a friend on an important achievement, to bringing a cup of soup to a family member who has the flu. These acts are small and unsolicited, but they show that you care—a significant part of what it means to be a positive person.
- Smile, Laugh, and Enjoy Life. A positive attitude is made up of more than thinking and acting in positive ways. It’s a feeling that others can detect in you when you don’t take life too seriously. Maybe you smile big when someone tells you there’s food stuck in your teeth. Or you laugh when things don’t go your way. You have made the decision to enjoy your life, regardless of what life throws at you. Deciding to enjoy life more is a key step in developing a positive attitude.
The main thing is this: Always hope for the best, and expect the worst, and you are guaranteed to wind up somewhere in between.
