“Your resume is everything. Job interviews are improvised explosive demonstrations.”
What you have done – what you have accomplished and achieved, and where you have been – is everything. The CV, the resume, should capture it all, and it along with a good cover letter that speaks directly to the job description by reconciling you background to what the employer is looking for – that’s everything.
The interview should be about YOU interviewing THEM. Is it the right organization for you? Will it leverage your skills the way you want them leveraged? Will you have fun? Will you have the tools and resources you need to be successful?
If you go into the interview knowing that without this job you will not be able to pay the bills, your desperation will come through loud and clear. If you go in into the interview trying to prepare for every question these people might conjure up, then you will have wasted your time. Better to run around the block and think about baseball or football or soccer than to prepare mentally for a job interview. Interviews are improvised – pure and simple. I know of not one HR “professional” who knows how to conduct a pleasant discussion that masquerades as a job interview. Not one. They are all out to trip you up.
Exhibit A would be the stupid silly questions that Google purportedly asks its interviewees. To wit (and these are only a couple out of a purported 140):
- How many piano tuners are there in the entire world?
- You have eight balls all of the same size. 7 of them weigh the same, and one of them weighs slightly more. How can you find the ball that is heavier by using a balance and only two weigh-ins?
- You have five pirates, ranked from 5 to 1 in descending order. The top pirate has the right to propose how 100 gold coins should be divided among them. But the others get to vote on his plan, and if fewer than half agree with him, he gets killed. How should he allocate the gold in order to maximize his share but live to enjoy it? (Hint: One pirate ends up with 98 percent of the gold.)
- You are given 2 eggs. You have access to a 100-story building. Eggs can be very hard or very fragile means it may break if dropped from the first floor or may not even break if dropped from 100th floor. Both eggs are identical. You need to figure out the highest floor of a 100-story building an egg can be dropped without breaking. The question is how many drops you need to make. You are allowed to break 2 eggs in the process.
I have no earthly idea. Honest to God. What a terrific waste of time.
Even brilliant people do not take tests very well. They stress and they worry and they cram. But remember, they are brilliant. Their resumes provide evidence of such brilliance. Their educational backgrounds provide evidence of accomplishment and the ability to synthesize and metamorphose and whatever else the modern HR person needs in a top notch person.
If you want to have fun at work and work somewhere that values its employee’s performance, go somewhere that focuses on your past accomplishments and is committed to have a pleasant discussion about what you can do to help the firm’s future.
If they start asking stupid, silly questions beginning with the words, “You have five pirates…” run away as fast as you can. Your resume ought to speak for itself.
